I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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