Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
