Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
