oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
