yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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