Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
