At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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