I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
