How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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