It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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