i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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