are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
