no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
