I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
