sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
