apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
