Do you still have your period?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
