once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
