Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize