He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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