I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
