I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
