Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
