god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
