didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
