Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
