So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
