Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
