We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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