Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
