I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
