We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
