Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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