Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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