He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
