So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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