Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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