Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
