I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
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I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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