I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this boner is exhausting
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We need to get me chipped asap
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize