My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
