my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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