my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
