I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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