What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
