being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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