Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
