i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
