youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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