so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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