I think I died a long time ago.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
