btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i think my cat just said my name.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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