It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
