He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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