Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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