Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
