Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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