i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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