Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
