He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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