you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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