it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
