OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
