Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im calling her cock vulture from now on
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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