someone owes me an orgasm
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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