Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
