Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
