matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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