The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
