That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
