Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
farters have to be the big spoon...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have fence marks all over my body
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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